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Building Good Relationships After Marriage
Lay a solid foundation, find a love that lasts a lifetime
Develop a relationship that can stand the test of time
Don't settle for a mediocre marriage, make your marriage one you've always dreamed of. Whether you've been married for 1 year, 5 years or 50 years, counselling and a little work will help you discover or re-discover the partner you married.
No matter how many times you've been married. No matter how many relationships have gone sour, or been abandoned. No matter how many times your current relationship has gone to the wall, if you want to make a change, now's the time to do it. Now's the time to put things right. Whatever happened yesterday, today is another day. Last night the sun went down and there was darkness. This morning the sun came up, it was a new day and it was bright and good. There is never a bad time to make a fresh start. If that is your intention, together we can make that happen.
The past is in the past and there is absolutely nothing you can do to change it. You cannot return to rewrite the events of yesterday. The only thing you can do is take the experience of the past and look to the future. You can vow to yourself and to your partner that whatever happened in the past stays in the past, and you set about planning a better future. Relationships that survive the past, stand the very best chance of making it into the future.
One of the reasons you may find it better to fix the relationship you're in is this: 50% of first marriages fail. 60% of second marriages fail and over 70% of third marriages fail. This means generally, you're better off trying to fix the relationship you're in than moving on to marry again and again.
What are the consequences of cohabitation? Couples who once might have married and then divorced now are not marrying in the first place. Cohabitation is here to stay, we all know that. The chances of our children cohabiting with a partner are far higher than the older generations, who grew up with the idea of marriage. But, I don't think that's good news, especially for children.
The shift from marriage to cohabitation — which is what's happening in the modern world — is having the effect of increasing family instability. Cohabiting couples have twice the breakup rate of married couples, and bringing children into these often-shaky live-in relationships does little for the security and self-esteem of these children, who instinctively know their lives may be subject to major trauma, often quite early on.
Where do the main problems lie?
Men and women are complicated creatures and they are dramatically different. Here are some reasons and suggestions:
Well, one of the questions I will ask you is always going to be one of the most important in any relationship; What am I putting into this relationship? Not, what am I taking out. It takes both parties to make a happy sharing relationship. You can't take out what you haven't put in. The second thing is to say sorry! Forgiveness, and asking for forgiveness is the best plaster in any wounded relationship.
It takes both partners to make the relationship work. In marriage it's important to understand you are both on the same side, and you should be on the same page. It is not 'my telly', 'my job', 'my bank account', 'my house', 'my kitchen'. It is 'our house', 'our love', 'our posessions' and 'our responsibility'.
Any marriage that is going to survive MUST BE partner oriented.
But I do all the giving and they do all the taking
This is a regular cry in many a counselling session. Over time a relationship becomes a bit onesided, where one does all the giving (or thinks they do), and the other one does all the taking. What do you do when the husband thinks he's doing all the giving, or the wife who thinks she's doing all the giving? What normally happens? Either, one partner seethes in silence, or they become vindictive, frustrated and disrespectful in their tone. This builds up resentment on both sides and communication breaks down because it comes from a position of posturing, self-centeredness and selfishness.
Communication is key here. Share your feelings with the other in a calm and relaxed manner. Focus on what is right and good. Bring into the conversation what is eroding that good feeling. There is often a lack of sensitivity to the others feelings, and sometimes these things creep up on the relationship without the side that is falling down even realizing what is happening. We've all heard the expression; it is better to give than to receive. And that's the solution really. All partnerships need to be staffed by givers and forgivers.
Special sayings for lovers
I love you - You are special - Thank you - Please forgive me - I forgive you - I'm sorry
Just think back over the last few days and weeks and try to remember how many times you may have said ANY of these things. These few phrases are the basis of any good relationship. They demonstrate love, generosity, selflessness, caring, gratitude, respect and a keen acceptance that a good relationship is worth preserving.
Almost all relationship disharmony is the result of lack of communication. We forget to talk to each other and to bless each other with our love and understanding. I invite anyone currently suffering from relationship issues to visit The Haven Healing Centre in Blagdon for assistance. Appointments and a treatment price list are available by clicking here. I look forward to welcoming you to The Haven Healing Centre Counselling Dept. where we can talk about a treatment plan structured around your needs. Singles and couples are welcome. Phil.
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Note: DISCLAIMER: This information is not presented by a medical practitioner and is for educational and informational purposes only. The content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read.
It's a small investment in yourself, but could be a life-changing experience you will cherish forever.
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